#059: Free Running Thoughts, 6 hours In The Car and Being Happy
I'm going to do a free-running brain dump/journal entry on this note. I'm so used to writing and thinking with LLMs these days that I suspect there's so little space to be with my own, actual, authentic thoughts regardless of how boring they might be. Thinking is different from what we are doing here. This does not have to make sense; it's only going to be a word vomit of sorts.
How do we deal with spending 6 hours a week inside our car? Office commute in Chennai is kind of a bummer. See, I did enjoy a good drive every now and then, but lately driving has not been so fun for me, and I am not sure why that is the case. First, if there's a good road and not so much traffic, it's good. But these days it's just a lot of traffic on terrible roads with chaotic commuters.
So much of my time goes into this 3 days a week. I might try to talk to check if I can go to office two times a week instead of 3, considering on a bad day it takes up to 1.5 hours for me to get to office from here.
Some things I do while commuting that I find productive/semi-productive or fun:
- Listening to Project Hail Mary on Audible
- Talking to friends/family/biz stuff
- Listening to music
- Just letting the engine rev and drive faster
Being a more positive person overall who is willful and avoids complaining/ranting is something I'm actively working on.
Believing you can get what you want: It means that I believe I can achieve certain outcomes in my life—like being a strong professional, building a business that brings in tons of profit for me, being in good health, and having warm, playful, loving relationships with people in my life. It means that I direct my mental capacity/headspace towards these thoughts rather than being consumed by rants, conflicts, etc. This makes me feel more in control and reminds me of my goals.
Avoiding conflicts and arguments: I feel like I spend a lot of time arguing/fighting with people over ridiculous things, especially when it comes to family and relationships. I would like to do less of this and somehow be this magical person who a) handles things without escalating them and b) tells people he cares about how conflicts with them affect me and asks them to avoid it.
I want to be happy, but I don't know how
I want to be happy right now. I don't really know how to do that. I went for a long walk for 40 minutes this evening. I liked the fact that I skipped gym for a change and instead just went for a long walk, bought groceries, and carried them back for a change. Maybe for 1 month/a few months, I will try to go to a different gym.
To some extent, I am finding my life boring. I recognize the discomfort that my weight gain is causing me, and I want to fast-forward to the part where I am back to being in an acceptable weight range again rather than being so massive.
What will make me happy? Doing what I do with the full force/capacity of my being will make me happy. Listening to Ilaiyaraja songs while walking after the rains today made me a little happy. Touching her cheeks with mine makes me happy. Optimizing my desk setup for two laptops makes me happy a little bit, functionally.
After office, I came back home, chilled for some time, and put up the laptop again. I spent so much time trying to get an existig repo compiled and working properly, and this was not happening. Right now it's compiling, but it's not yet working with the actual API that's running on my local machine. I should probably get on a call with someone who has experience working with this particular repo. Sometimes I need to STFU and ask for help to do the thing.
Too much coffee makes my head hurt
I feel the need to be sipping on something while I am working. I do not yet know if I want a stimulant- nicotine / caffeine. But I should note that drinking too much coffee in a day causes headaches in the evening, the really bad kind of headaches.
I do not enjoy smoking, it does not make me happy
First of all—why do we feel the need to keep stimulating our brain with something psychoactive? What is the reward?
- Queue: We finish a Pomodoro / we take a short break from work
- Action: We want to go vape/smoke
- Reward: Chemicals released in the brain giving a spike
For the same queue, what's a different action that we can take?
- Walk around for 5-10 minutes
- Play a quick 8 ball pool match
I do regret messing my health up- again- especially when it comes to weight and cardio, but I am getting there slowly. End of journal entry.